Caution: This is my screwed up / brainwashed observation from this past week.
It is amazing how every single pair of eyes I meet with has the capability of such deep acts of the kindness, that can make one soul touch another soul! Yet at the same time each human, no matter the age/status/naiveness has the power to even more quickly leave a scar on another individual.
While there is beauty in the mystery of never being able to fully understand another individual, it is also interesting how we were made to ALWAYS be misunderstood.
It’s funny if I had to describe how I feel right now I would say…
I feel like the first domino.
I feel like a bull in a china closet.
I feel like a racecar driver with a blindfold.
Is this what it feels like to be human?! haha And so it goes.
I know I’m spoiled, naive and self-centered. Sometimes I even feel like my life is all pretend.
It’s been a while since I noticed the invisible net below me, the bubble surrounding me… I feel sheltered, jaded and weird. I feel so loved yet kinda alone. I especially feel inadequate for having the time, and lack of worries, to be able to even form this thought.
Any advice for getting a dose of reality… not forgetting how to relate to people… not becoming or being fake? I need help if not now I can tell in the very near future…
Tonight I pray for my family in Taiwan. They/we are fighting and fighting hard amongst each other. I guess if I have a voice, a voice of an outsider who has everyone’s best interest in mind, I would say that I hope no one loses themselves forever to anger/hate in this process, that no one gets hurt beyond repair and that everyone has the support of loved ones during these very sad times for our family.
y,I just had the most perfect weekend. From Friday night talking with a best friend for hours until I feel asleep… to watching Cloud Atlas at home alongside my dad… to reading in bed past midnight… to sweating under the afternoon sun from playing at the park… to hanging out with the coolest not so little boys, Sean and Mark, before they move to Macau… This is the stuff life is made of, for sure. — feeling thankful.
Weekend is off to a great start.
Was on the phone with Melissa till midnight on Friday. She is full of so much light and heart, I feel so blessed to have met her and to get to call her one of my best friends. That night she described what love means to her as we chatted about her getting married next June to Nathaniel. She also asked me what love means to me. I said it is someone who is always watching me from afar/there to catch me if I fall, because I know me and I wanna jump into the darkness with no fear. My dad does this for me, always thinking of me, checking in… yet he lets me free. That is what I also define as love. Letting the other person be, especially if it means letting them go (always hoping they do return though).
I also want to share some beautiful “emo” lyrics from a song I found today. The song is called Broken Horse by Freelance Whales. You can listen to it here: http://youtu.be/s2wHwLHhuCU. You can read the lyrics here: http://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107858801744/.
Lastly I watch half of Atlas Shrugged with my dad tonight. It is a really good movie so far. I especially enjoyed the story of the Korean woman who escaped and am excited to see how her story plays out. As a side note I impressed my dad with my ability to recognize the faces of the actors (as they were in heavy makeup and each played a handful of very different characters spaced throughout time). It reminded my of how back in college I use to love the hobby of trying to “read” faces. Sad/mean eyes, a square jaw,… the memories.
Anyways I’m going to go back to reading this very insightful book our SVP of Marketing recommended called “Call-to-Action.” These beginning pages are delivering the familiar lesson of how it is best to prioritize getting more info from the consumer over getting them to do your desired action. I must remember the wisdom and progress behind this truth and how we cannot have one hypothesis rather we should test many. “We cannot solve problems with the same thinking we used when creating them.” – Albert Einstein
Thank you God for life, friends, good habits, learning, growth, comfort, the happiness I get to share with my friends in these coming months (THREE WEDDINGS: Janet, Natassia, Melees). Please keep me modest, calm-headed, patient, understanding, careful and full of love. Please take my friends and me to far away places where we can learn from others and feel alive (even if we never leave the inside cover of a book… or kindle). 😉
P.S. Today marks the day I visited Greg’s new “Asian” apartment, Anna celebrating her bday, having returned from NY & LA, getting nervous/excited about our first Summit next week.
These past few months I’ve had to remind myself to slow down if I want to go anywhere. It’s odd to feel old but not wise.
“I think my work has to do with a sense that we are attempting, all the time, to create a logical, rational path through the day. To the left and right there are an amazing set of distractions that we usually can’t afford to follow. But the poet is willing to stop anywhere… . And it’s that willingness to slow down and examine the mysterious bits of fluff in our lives that is the poet’s interest.” – William Collins