As I dance under the moonlight (in my work dress & sneaks, with my headphones in tight) I feel so little in this big big universe.
I have come to realize I am happiest when:
1) I’m discovering/exploring nature
3) brainstorming new ideas
4) leading others (whether kids in summer school or my peers at work/extracurricular activity events)
Am I moving or am I standing still? What is my core value and am I doing anything about it? Questions that make me stop dead in my tracks.
Man am I lucky to have such creative and giving friends in my life. In honor of tonight’s Lunar Eclipse I would like call-out a couple of friends who have given me the confidence to express myself a bit more this past year… simply by being themselves doing their own thing: Harris (Mr. Down 2 Earth who always makes me look up), Yutack (who turns life into a scavenger hunt… with his own remix), Nicole (brewing ideas in her basement non-stop, no matter what others believe), Wonravee (the forever patient and inward, seeing the beauty in the simplest things).
I had dinner tonight with Nicole who is constantly creating things. Since she was a child and started her own detective agency (her first and only assignment being to find the missing snowman) she keeps thinking of new ideas and then puts them out into the world. “You have to give the universe stuff to grab onto” she said. “And you can’t take failure personally.”
I also just watched a preso Harris made and it made me reflect a bit, specifically I feel like I’m getting too comfortable with where I’m at when I want to move like him. He had some really good points that made me think a lot from catching up not being enough to how the skill of a business person is communication (and execution of almost anything for anyone else).
I recently heard in situations like what he spoke of that first people ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. I haven’t even been ignored yet.
Lauryn and I went on our first road trip last this past week. I must say it has been so cool to see my best friend go from a shy bookish girl to a woman exploring her freedom and the wild.
Our first day in Big Sur Lauryn and I sat in the red wooden chairs up high on a hill overlooking the ocean. We read for a while then the sun started to go down and it got kinda windy. Lauryn went inside the yurt to take a nap under the covers and near the fire. I stayed outside a little longer to watch the ocean which I rarely ever get to witness. It was endless, beautiful in its mystery and depth and gave off a strength that let me know the sea was forever a woman. I stared at the waves imagining all that could live under the surface…
I heard the door to heaven is smaller than what we imagined. That many will be surprised when they arrive and find out they will not be able to fit through. The advice was then to make sure our egos, un-kind thoughts and selfish deeds fit into the smallest suitcase possible. We are only cheating ourselves.
After hanging out with a very kind / giving friend this weekend I realized how selfish I am (in comparison to my peers and in relation to the type of person I look up to). Giving parents, a strong tie to my culture / history and a handful of selfless friends can only help me out so much.
Since I believe one’s thoughts reveal one’s character and since I want to be in more control of my thoughts (before it’s too late) I did an interesting exercise I once learned in a Buddhist lesson. I wrote down (or you can record) every unkind thought I had today. I had way more than I imagined and had reoccurring themes:
1. Thinking I’m better than someone else (less shallow, better at something)
2. Judging someone I’ve never spoken to or met (and to a woman which is the worst)
3. Thinking how someone can help me in one way or another
4. Assuming I understand another individual and how they should live their life
5. Doing stuff for attention or fame
The most beautiful thing in the world, might just be a friend getting married.
Caution: This is my screwed up / brainwashed observation from this past week.
It is amazing how every single pair of eyes I meet with has the capability of such deep acts of the kindness, that can make one soul touch another soul! Yet at the same time each human, no matter the age/status/naiveness has the power to even more quickly leave a scar on another individual.
While there is beauty in the mystery of never being able to fully understand another individual, it is also interesting how we were made to ALWAYS be misunderstood.
It’s funny if I had to describe how I feel right now I would say…
I feel like the first domino.
I feel like a bull in a china closet.
I feel like a racecar driver with a blindfold.
Is this what it feels like to be human?! haha And so it goes.